Authentic.

So about a year ago I chose the word “Be.” as my word for 2015.  A one word mantra, if you will.  I did my best to stick to that.  I worked hard to be present in the moment, I did my very best to keep myself calm even in times where I wanted to lose my shit (I wasn’t always perfect, but I did try).

In that post I also mentioned things such as:  blogging a review on each book I read, womp womp.  Sticking with this blog, well… not updating often, but I do still use it.  I mentioned my hopes of becoming a mother in 2015, which sadly wasn’t meant to be.  But, through it all I realized how freeing it was to just be present in my life.  Some things haven’t changed much… my iPhone is still an attachment to my hand in any situation that I am even remotely anxious in – it’s a coping mechanism, and I know I’m not alone in that.  I still much prefer to be home and binge watch something on Netflix or Amazon Prime rather than going out – and I am absolutely awful at making and keeping plans.  My anxiety issues have grown slightly, and I have some thoughts on that topic that I will, hopefully, remember to share soon.

So, I had to ask myself what I want out of 2016.  What word could I use this year to keep tucked away as a mantra to help me grow and learn.  This year I am choosing “Authentic”.  This is because in the last year I have become more un-apologetically myself than I have ever dared to be before.  I have always relied so heavily on what people think, and I am starting to let go of that.  For nearly my whole life I would consult my mom on things – ideas I had, a new bedspread or shoes.  I never felt confident in my choices without someone close to me backing me up.  And this past year, I realized I can be confident without someone’s explicit consent.

In order to be the authentic me, I need to do what I feel is best.  Go with what I like/enjoy and not worry what someone else might think, especially if they may not like it.  That’s not to say this is in everything, because I am a happily married woman so my husband’s thoughts do come into play on some things.

I will continue on in school and do my best- it has been so good for me in a lot of ways, even when I am feeling burned out and too exhausted to think.
I will, hopefully, get more ink – getting my first two tattoos helped me feel complete in a way that I didn’t realize I craved.  Putting my story onto my skin isn’t a testament to the world, but rather a way to honor myself for myself.
I will be working on getting our home set more to what WE want- It doesn’t matter who else likes it, as long as we do.  Time to get that in gear.
Along with that, working to find organization and routines that work for us to keep things looking good around here because chaos makes my brain fuzzy.

I will be working on my physical self – eating better, sleeping better, and getting into better shape.  It will only benefit me on several levels.
I will NOT be setting a reading challenge this year – I think part of my issue with reading the past few years has been that I was so concerned with meeting a certain number of books.  I started and never finished so many books, and wouldn’t even attempt longer books.  My hope is that by not setting a specific goal, I will read and enjoy more.

Here’s hoping for a beautiful 2016.  I hope a year from tonight I can look back and smile at how things have changed.

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